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:: You Are Not Alone [When You Feel Messy] (Lara’s Story)

My friendship with Lara began when she offered to bring much-needed baby medicine and much-needed wanted SweetTarts to Rachel and me in Uganda. Of course after that I felt indebted to her for life, but turns out she’s just a wonderful friend who does that kind of thing for everyone.  I remember being so impressed by their openness to whatever God had planned for their time in Uganda – even if His plan looked different from what their family might look like. It’s been such a joy to watch Amby and Mary become Dinsmores (it’s been a wild ride!) and am excited to share this little peek into Lara’s heart with you. 

 

I became a mom six years ago. I’ll never forget the moment my 6 lb., 7 oz., coneheaded firstborn son entered the world. Like most new mothers, I suddenly felt this overwhelming feeling that I had no idea what I was doing. It’s funny to think that at the same time, on another continent I had a 2 year old daughter who I knew nothing about. I also didn’t know that just a little over a month after becoming a mom, my third child would be born. God had so much more for my life than I ever dreamed!

It was three years later, after the birth of a second belly-baby that God began whispering to our hearts about growing our family through adoption. She was only about 10 months old when we started seriously researching programs. It seemed crazy at the time, but we knew it was what the Lord had for us. God was about to do something far greater than we ever imagined in our family. Two back-to-back adoptions meant nearly three solid years of paperwork and fundraising and traveling and airport homecomings and exhausting first days home. That period of time showed us how intricately God was working to piece our family together.  We saw His faithfulness each and every step of the way.
Our four children are now 8,6,5, and 3 years old and yet I often feel like I still don’t know much more than I did that first day in the hospital bed. And while I don’t always know what I’m doing, I do know what I want to be doing. I can look back at where we started and where the Lord has brought us and I finally have a grasp on what it is I hope to spend these precious years on.

I want one thing for my children: to draw them farther from themselves and closer to Jesus.

This is truly the only thing I can give them that will last. The Gospel will dwell in their hearts long after these fleeting days of sticky counters and pigtails. After they’ve all left my nest,  I want the truth of who Christ is to be what they remember of childhood. It sounds so simple but just might be the hardest, most important thing I ever do. In a world that says their self-esteem matters, I want to teach them it is their God-esteem that matters. Far more important than what they think of themselves is what God thinks of them. Because, really, He thinks FAR more of them than they could ever think of themselves!  In a world that says their accomplishments define them, I want to teach them it is their service and love for others that defines them. In a world that esteems the beautiful, the talented and the mighty, I want to teach them that Jesus stops for the lowly and extends his hand to them. If I give my children only one thing, I want it to be a love for Jesus.

Please don’t be fooled into thinking this equates to some kind of storybook mothering where Mom is always patient and sweet and the kids are always well behaved. Not a chance. I truly believe it is in the messy days when my children see Jesus the most. The days when my words are harsh and I have to stop and ask them for forgiveness and a fresh start. [Oh, I hope they see redemption in my imperfection!]  The days when they are quite frankly not acting very lovable and I make the choice to love them anyway. I pray they see what love without condition truly means. This motherhood, it’s tiring. It’s often frustrating. Some days it’s mundane. Yet, it’s in those days that I feel the Father whispering to my heart “I am using this to refine you. Step away from yourself and see my big picture in this.

 

 

 

 

 

Lara is a Jesus loving, kid chasing, excessive coffee drinking, farmer’s wife. She is also a proud mommy of four babies from two continents and a child to one big God. She blogs about her many adventures in raising a transracially adopted family at The Farmer’s Wife Tells All.

  • The Farmer's Wife Tells All - Today I’m guest posting about the messiness that is motherhood.ReplyCancel

  • Lauren Casper - beautiful!!! I just adore Lara’s story — and her little sweeties!!ReplyCancel

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